sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
