everyone is single if you try hard enough
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
