if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
