I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
