i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
