Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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