last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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