paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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