apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
