dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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