Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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