just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
