maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
