you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
