Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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