she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
