she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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