how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
