I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
