Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
