i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
