There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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