Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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