a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
