you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
