Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
