How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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