i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
