happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
