I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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