I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
