I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
