SEEEEXXX PLEASE
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
