actually, I'm a sock model
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
