yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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