So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
