I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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