He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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