help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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