He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
