i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
