remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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