you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
