I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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