it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
