You're my little dorito
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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