2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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