Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
