we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
