can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
