I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
