I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
