it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
