Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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