Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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