all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
