I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
