I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
