god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
