i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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