never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
