he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I have already put on my inside pants.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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